My controller in life

Location

25304
United States
38° 16' 46.8732" N, 81° 36' 52.0848" W

Fears, negative thoughts, these emotions that I feel, I can’t put it to words. It breaks me down inside. I feel unaccompanied like I’m stuck on a dessert all alone with nothing around me Like I’m dying, waiting to take my last breath.

Inside me, this deep feeling is controlling my life making me stay away from the world by hiding myself from it.
This insecurity is taking over my whole life.
I’m lost, I’m irritated, I’m furious, I’m frustrated, I’m restless, I have anxieties.
Those are the feelings I feel when I think about it. Other times I ask myself
Why me? Why me? I even question God, why me?

But it’s not God’s fault or anybody. I shouldn’t blame anything on God.
It’s him! Him! Him! Him!
He put me in this insecurity state of mind, now I can’t get out of it.

“You look beautiful, you are beautiful, you looking nice today”
Thank you I said. But I don’t truly believe these words.
I’m not beautiful; I’m an ugly girl, with wide noise and big lips.
I’m neither pretty nor cute. These are the words that I tell myself every day.

Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
Why am I talking like this?
Why I am letting this insecurity gets into me? It’s not worth thinking like that. I can’t let this insecurity control my life anymore. I need to do something about it.

I am my own skin; I need to live my life the way I was born to live it.
God created me for a special reason. In his eyes, I’m unique, beautiful, lovely, cute, pretty and even different.
There’s no one like me, no one.
I shouldn’t blame myself for what this man did to me
It’s his fault; it was his responsibility to take care of me.

These negative thoughts are trying to break me apart from everything that I have
It’s trying to get me to bury myself.
No! No! No! No! No!
I won’t do that

God loves me, my family loves me, I got friends that loves me, my coworkers and managers loves me, people that I know loves me, even my teachers loves me.

I’m cute, pretty, gorgeous, and beautiful.
Finally for the first time of my life, my insecurity was controlling me for seven years and no I’m ready to break it, I won’t let it no more.
It’s time to take over my own life
This insecurity will die within me

I am stronger, wiser, and I’m free
Free from these negatives thoughts, and anger.

As my insecurity going away, I’m feeling more confident about myself.
My self-esteem is rising up each and every day.
I am beginning to see how beautiful I am each day I wake up and looking at myself in the mirror.
God has finally showed me what I’ve been missing for seven years.
My controller in life is no longer in me, slowly it’s dying and it’s not coming back.

Comments

lalalove

This poem is very personal because its about something I face in life and I couldn't seem to let it go. It causes me to have a lot of insecurities about myself that I was pushing people away that wanted to come in my life. Hopefully, my poem will be able to touch someone out there and knows that things in life happen for a reason.

BJ14

I love how you repeat words. The way the poem is set up is amusing too because I almost feel like I'm reading a short story or a little bit of your autobiography. After reading this, I even feel uplifted about myself! Thanks for sharing!

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