My Anxiety

1...2...3..4… I count the amount of letters on the posters in the room.
15...16...17… the amount of tiles on the ceiling.
80…81….82… the number of bricks on the wall.
I count.
I count as the eyes burn into me.
I count as the people yell and scream.
I count to relieve myself of the anxiety that drowns me.
The constant thoughts that flow through my brain like a waterfall.
Filling it with disgusting water.
100..101..102.. How many screws are in the bleachers.
They stare.
They stare as I struggle to keep my breath steady.
they stare as the tears run down my face and the thoughts consume me.
300..301..302.. I count the amount of times the volleyball hits the ground
as my head screams at me
“no one loves you”
“you’re a disgusting pig”
“just die”
and they all just stare.

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