I miss you quietly,
Like heaven misses hell.

Like the father misses
His astray, wayward son.

I miss you like a sin.

I miss you like a thought provoked,
Tainted blood of a freedom once known

An irrevocable devotion
You never wanted

A terrible impasse
Neither of us foresaw.

I fell in love next to you,
Stripped
Of the ability
To wish for death
While you stood on the other side.

I fell in love with your immunity, and my disability, and the religious fervor you treat
My absurdity

I don't love people;
Understand that I love you

I fall in love with ecstasy, with the smallest things that can mean nothing to anyone else
Because then I can keep them
They become immortal,
Permanent,
Stable

I fall in love with the chills of fingertips on my neck, with gallows humor, with the way the sun still rises after being burdened for so long.

I fall in love with music and its liberty that I will never possess, and its power to sway people that I cannot mimic.

I fall in love with the way your hands make mine look childish, the way they make me feel like I might still have some
Innocence.

I fall in love with hazel eyes, every goddamn time, and a hopeless case that makes me feel like I'm not the only one estranged,
Feeling out of place as a human, animal, a worldly being
(These thoughts plague me and mean more than anything I can express in words)

Do they disintegrate you too?

I miss you quietly,
The sound a soul makes to a heart.

A whispering longing,
The wind singing to its forest.

A desire all the more desperate in its silence,
A love all the more painful in its repression,
A burden made heavy by the restraints

The heavy mute distance.