Most People

I cannot do what most people can

Most can leave their house without their heart racing like a thousand horses

Most can go to the grocery store without picking at their skin to distract themselves from the wasps living in their chest

Most can ask the person putting sugar on shelf where the olives are

But I am not most people

I have social anxiety

I leave my house and shake at the thought of having to socially interact

I cannot just ask the person putting sugar on shelf where the olives are
I have to convince myself for 10 minutes that it's okay to need help and it's okay to ask for it but that voice inside my head tells me stop being so stupid and to go find it myself for asking that person will destroy their day and they will hate me for it
And I will hate myself for being such an inconvenience

I cannot do what most people can

Most can invite their friends over to hang

Most can go to a social gathering and strike up a conversation with a friend or family member with ease

Most can send a simple text

But I am not most people

Inviting my friends over makes me scared for what if they pitty me and only pretend to care out of obligation

Social gatherings are like tight spaces to someone who is claustrophobic starting a conversation is like going into a tight space where you could get crushed with words

Sending a text isn't easy I don't want to bother them so I don't text them, when they ask why I don't text them and and ask me if I'm okay or if they did something I try to explain that's I have social anxiety they laugh and say get over it

But they do not understand that it's not that simple

Most people can get over things like a cut but this isn't a flesh wound that I can put a bandaid on and wait for it to heal

For I am not most People

This poem is about: 


Jan Wienen

Thank you ...

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