I am Terrified.
Not all the time, no. Only when I look in the mirror
a girl who doesn't know where she fits
and a girl who doesn't feel
like anything more
than half of an intangible whole.
When I am Terrified I am a weak rain that breaks through clouds not yet strong enough to block the sun
and dies in minutes on dry pavement.
I am a whisper of wind blowing a door open and closed across the house when you know
you're home alone.
When I am Terrified I am nothing.
And I tell myself so. I look Terrified in the face and I tell her,
But when I look away from the mirror I realize
the mirror is where Terrified lives.
If I look away from the mirror I look away from the fear,
and I start to live as More.
When I am More I am a thunderstorm that shakes the thin glass of your apartment windows
and puddles into gutters because the sidewalk cannot contain it.
When I am More I am a house built so strong no wind can rattle it;
A fire is always burning in the hearth and a low hum of music always plays downstairs somewhere,
strummed by a confidence unseeable and sometimes
When I am More I realize that I am not "More". I am simply myself. Because More,
she's powerful. She's beautiful and strange. She's bittersweet and filling and fufilled. And she doesn't live in any
More can smash the mirror, I
can smash the mirror.
I am not The Girl Who Chews Her Nails and Bites Her Lips.
I am not The Girl Who Laughs Too Loud.
I am not The Girl Who Stands On Stage With Her Arms Outstretched,
Pleading For People To See the Real Her Through Her Words
So That She
Can Feel Like At Least the Half of Herself She Has
And I am not them because I am them, but those girls,
They are not what they are.
The Girl Who Chews Her Nails is the Girl Who Chews On Pencils, Pencils That Write Worlds
and Draw Galaxies. She chews because she's anxious, eager,
excited to see what the next piece of paper may bring.
The Girl Who Laughs Too Loud only does because she's The Girl Who Wants to See You Smile.
She tells so many dad jokes she may as well have an apron -
"Kiss the Cook",
The jokes are hit or miss
but the intention remains the same. As constant as that quiet confidence
flowing through her house like music.
And that girl on stage.
The girl that pleads.
She is all that
Terrified's got nothing on me.