A Monster's Trophy

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 04:06 -- asmizuo


I look back at her with bloodshot eyes

We blink together

Open and close

Psychologists say that if you stare at your reflection long enough your brain will contort your face into a monster

With sagging cheeks

A hole where the nose is supposed to be

Legs like tentacles

Welts and boils trailing up and down its arms

Jagged scars carved across face

Pointed ears

Green tinted skin

A mouth once filled with twenty-eight teeth replaced

with two pointy fangs

Red beady eyes blinking back at you

That's me

I'm the monster

I grab at the excess skin on my body

And she cries in disgust

She tells her mother that "her friend" can't look in the mirror

This "friend" has low self esteem

This "friend" can't love herself

She says she feels bad

But I haven't seen her face in months

I just catch glimpses

Flick of black hair on the cold white tile

A protruding bone

Blemishes on her once smooth skin

Yet I am double her size

Triple her size

I am super sized

I am a deep fried Oreo after too many funnel cakes

I am Faaaa

Rench (French) fries and a juicy cheeseburger

You can see the grease dripping off of my skin


She looks at me with hallowed checks

Her sweat shirt is a blanket

Engulfing her small body

We see each other for the first time in months

I can barely recognize her

She lifts up her shirt and every visible rib is a trophy

Her pelvic bones are medals

But she is an over achiever

Trophies and medals aren't enough for her

she tugs her brittle hair in frustration

Black hair on white tile

I just want to be beautiful


I just want to be beautiful

She is chasing perfection

And I am not it

So I tell her to break the mirror

Don't worry about the bad luck honey, it can't get worse than this

Because I'm not what you're looking for

I will never be that size zero

I will never be Miranda Kerr

I will never be skinny

Not skinny enough for her

Not skinny enough for me

Let the shards set me free

Because she is looking at me and I'm becoming a monster.

But monsters are just cowards who hide under beds

Scaring children in the night

And we are no longer children

No longer innocent

No longer afraid

Her fist flies toward me

I look at the shards of glass on the white tile of the bathroom

And I am free

We are free



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