When I see someone taking a selfie, I get angry.

Angry with them, with their camera, with our world. 

We have forgotten what well spent time means.

Now it's all about documentation, arrangment, image.

We care less and less about what we are doing and more and more

about how it looks.

About how we look.

As a human being who says they coudn't care less

The truth is I coudn't care more.

 

Hypocritical, I avoid human contact

I fear my own image because what looks back at me is not perfection

I feel rotten from the inside with not meeting standards 

And it doesn't matter what I try to say or do

Because deep down, I'm still in pain. 

Compliments feel like needles, ebbeing away at me

Looking for holes in my fragile armor

To stick a pin in and pop my lies.

The truth I know about myself and those around

I have secrets that I forget about during the day

but the moment I'm alone they haunt me

Screaming about my monsterous qualities and secrets I should be ashamed of

When the next day their on the tip of my tongue

Ready to be let loose

 

I see in that mirror  scabs and scars, under the skin

I see lust for all those around, including those that trust me

There is no beauty, just a roaming beast

Begging for an addiction to pass the time

The things I spend my time doing, alone

the touching, the wanting, the craving 

for what they call sin.

They would have burned this witch

I say to myself, this praiser of animals

I worry over how much that doesn'tbother me.

More than the images, more than the pictures.

I am anonymous in my own body.

I wonder if those white padded walls are as nice as they look on T.V.

And in the pictures that you see.

I keep one in my room, my future cell

Linguring, staring.

 

I don't take selfies because my own mind

Would tear myself apart with my need for perfection in everything

But myself.

I know that I would see that monster in my own eyes.

The one tht wants out

Every day

And I would break my own wall down

And scream out this self hate built up in a dam.

Until then, untill I see the picture to take it all away, 

I swear not to ruin myself

By being the one to take that picture. 

Self preservation is the one truth in this world.

And I, like all selfish creatures

Crave it, desire it,

Needing to be safe behind my image, 

So I save it for a day

When I may need a weapon against myself

Like Medusa, turn a mirror on myself

Turned to stone and stare forever at myself

Too ashamed and mesmerized by the 

Monster in the mirror.

Myself