Monster

What would people think of you if you showed them what you showed me? You act like you’re proud of your demons; when it’s just you and me you revel in your brokenness and act invincible, but once the public is looking your picture perfect and your demons are invisible... hiding from the camera’s like a ghost. And we both know you fear the exposure, you don’t want to be found out, you want to do the deed and walk around free and you think you can control me by issuing threats and breaking me down, but everyone has a breaking point, and can turn the game around. And I might not have hit it yet, but every dark, faded memory of your hands on me is corroding my mind. Every hollow word that came outta your mouth, saying i deserve it, saying I need it, saying you own me, saying you control me, saying you can hurt me, well every word you say is driving me crazy, so just know that every time you try to control me, your pushing me one step closer to breaking. If I exposed every fucking secret you so wrongly entrusted me with thinking I was too stupid, too young to understand… too naive, too innocent to play your games better than you… I let you tear me apart because I thought I could withstand the pain but I wasn’t born fucked up and I wasn’t born insane, people like you have twisted my mind and broken my heart to the point where I’m numb to the hurt. So, you can touch me, but you’ll never hurt me. And you can control my body but you’ll never see inside my head, and on the outside my feelings might be dead, but you’re not the only one that can pretend. Because I turn my pain into chaos, become a nightmare dressed like a daydream. I let you have your way, knowing that you’ll pay and while you sit there thinking I don’t have a clue: I do. And you might think I’m just a little girl protecting her family, but there comes a point when you loosen one too many screws and you’ll come to understand that there’s a lot of things more frightening than you. Because I can wear that fake smile and laugh at all your jokes. I can pretend like images of your hands on me aren't ripping through my mind and suffocating the air inside my throat: I can fake this better than you can. So go on and smile in front of my mom and laugh in front of my friends, put on your mask we can both play pretend; but you can’t look me in the eyes… I wonder why? Which of us has more demons, more secrets to hide? let’s see who can last longer, which of us is really stronger? I won’t let you hurt the people I love, but I won't hate myself forever. I’m gonna put myself back together, and the second I do, I hope you know you’re gonna pay for all the shit you’ve put me through. You think you have leverage on me, but i'm the one with scars, and bruises, and proof of all your verbal abuses. I’m the one with allies, the one that can destroy you in a single text… and if you really think you know this game: then tell me bitch: what’s coming next?

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