With every mistake I make I feel like

A knife through the heart
Would fix all the problems that I have caused.
Sometimes I wish I could have kept my fucking mouth shut.
To go back to the time where my words had no meaning, and silence was the best option for me.
As i develop into what the future holds I notice that I make decisions without thinking. Decisions that I feel has no consequence, but in the end destroys something.
I wish I could wake up and everything I have done wrong would be fixed.
I remember the days I would sit in the shower, head against the wall, thinking if I were to end it all 
Right there 
All my mistakes would be gone.
I look at the past so much I never decide to look forward.
Why would I?
What you do in the past is what defines you.
You spend time to build trust.
Trust is easily earned at first, but once you break that it is a challenge to be trusted.
They will always look back at what you did.
They build a shield to block you out. 
They have no use of you anymore.
You can be thrown away like you were nothing, they don't care.
Then you sit there knowing you were the bastard who caused all this.
They look at you as a damnation.
I can't help but sit here and laugh knowing that people think of me as a waste, a weird kid, and to some a
Because I know its my fault.
No matter how many people tell me it isn't, I will still think so. 
So go ahead, shun me for all I have done, I deserve it.
I need another reason to hate myself.
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