Mine

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I Have the body of a god
Unfortunately, that god… is Buddah
I'm a big girl
Have been for my entire life. 
Like a giant red flag I stood out
Short and stout here is my handle here is my spout
With bleach blond hair in a sea of brown
nobody doin’ nothin' but bringing me down in grade school
Chubby. they said
Fat. they said
 
13 years old thought i'd be bold
cut my hair up to here but no matter what…
the crude comments continued and i turned cold
I turned to music and turned to books. Escaping the insults and dirty looks
into a world of my own imagination far way from the hate and degradation
Where my size 20 was the new size 4 acting like i wasn't hurt to my core
Shaken and bruised inside 
I wondered 'Why God? How much more… Do i have to endure?" 
Fat ass. they said
Lesbian. the said
 
High school looking for this myth theycalled love
for a boy to call me beautiful for one to think i was worth something
But my knights in shining armor were nothing but losers in tin foil
smooth talkers guitar rockers 
with their caramel colored skin drawn me in asking where i have been all of their lives
playin with my emotions causin' a commotion 
inside me. 
making me think that i found the one
…only to leave me with nothing to show but i broken heart and some broken hopes
My breaking point struck and that mind state stuck.
the one that said 
STOP!
 
the one that kept saying 'you aint nothin'
'you aint nothin'
'you aint nothin'
Dyke. they said 
Whore. they said
Somewhere in a doughnut shop Jenny Craig WEEPS they said
 
popping pills in doses that kill
hearts carved into my hands cuts anywhere i could hide them
Food became the enemy. avoided it like the plauge
irreversible damage
incurable sorrow preying to God please don't bring tomorrow.  
Im tired of the sneers, tired of the pain
tired of the words that burned my ears
like my own personal hell, i couldn't escape.
Until one day, i met MY soul mate!
 
not the kind that brings flowers chocolates and gold
but the one who brings glory to the young and old
my heavenly father, the man i call god
the one that says, "its ok that you're flawed"
You're perfect to me, and of my design, I have ’the one' here in the back of my mind
they are on their way, just give it some time.
They'll find your curves beautiful instead of repulsive
but the only way to find them or to even come close is
come closer to me, let me into your heart. 
let ME in and i'll give you a new start
 
nearly 50 pounds down, but I'm still round
the difference  is though? It's not longer my weakness
i don't care what you say! the only one who matters is the one that made me this way!
So take your words, your insults, your jokes, your stares, your glares 
and for all i care
and for all i care
AND FOR ALL I CARE
Stick it where the sun don't chine cause i'll tell you one thing 
This heart
This mind 
This night 
This life
This time
This BODY is MINE

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