Here we go again
Another shootout on 24th and Cal
“Was it him?”...
I ask myself everyday
Waking up and praying
“Let me not lose my daddy today..”
You’d think, after having me,
He’d stopped gang-banging...
His crew considers him the “Top of the Top”
I remember going to parties
Seeing them all happy and eager
to see my father or “El Jefe” as they called him
Asking him questions and for opinions
Like as if he were some important person...
Telling him how much Love and Respect they have for him
I remember them saying “Jefe, we”ll be there for you no matter what.”
Or “ We’re your second familia Jefe you know we got your back”
When in reality
There’s always someone else in line
To replace him and pretend nothing ever happened...
Growing up was hectic..
Couldn’t even go out just for the fact
That he was in one crew and they were in another
Walking or even going to places was crazy, risky, just too dam dangerous
Having his soldiers or “Homies”
Protecting and watching me
As if I were some prized possession..
Drugs and guns... sad to say but,
Seen’em all before the age of 6..
Every Sunday at Church
Remember seeing him on his knees
“Virgencita, Madre mia please protect my familia at all times. For the life I have given them is not a good one and yes I know that. Please forgive me for my ignorance and sins and protect them at all times.Amen.”…..
I grew up with the mentality of my father
Being strong and being wise was a priority
Sometimes I wonder how his life would’ve been if I didn’t exist
There were times I was sure my father wanted a boy
But he later learned that
I was capable of thinking like a man
For he taught me that every women at times has to think like a man..
I have people looking down at me as if I were some piece of trash
While others pass by
And wished they had what I had
Through the years I learned
What my father truly did..
And like him I started yearning for what he had
The talks he had with me were memorable
Especially the one talk we had about me being next for the throne
Somewhat persuaded me
To join for the power and the money
Told him that I would probably
Accept to be next for the throne
Something in his eyes told me he didn’t like that one bit
This was the moment were
I first saw my Father
This strong and powerful man, break into tears
Confessed that the last thing he wanted
Was to lose his baby girl to the battle he put himself in
That the last of his fears was to see me in a coffin
Or on the streets like him
But I know its all just a dream
The money and power sounds so tempting..
But all I want is for this to stop
For my father to take part in my life and watch me become a successful women
My fathers last words,
“ Mija please don’t be reckless like me and make a wise decision because it will affect your future.”
The last words of my father, el Jefe, "The Boss"
My Right Hand..
Before getting shot by a rival gang member
I learned these streets aren’t meant for everybody..
And especially not for me..
Until then I pray that my father will be safe on those streets up there in the heaven above
Because even in the most peaceful and safe places evil lurks around.