Mentally Abused

Fri, 01/15/2016 - 18:33 -- Harman

Somehow I always end up at this road

I just keep driving

I drive until my soul starts to fold

Every time you leave my body is shivering

It gets colder than cold

And I know it’s not right

But I need to be held in your arms tonight

I promise I won’t call you after this

I just need you one last time

I just wanna get lost in your touch

And I don’t wanna look back

I know you’ll leave after this

But I just can’t seem to pack

All the bags that I’ve opened

I just can’t seem to close them

My clothes is my heart all over the floor

And I just can’t seem to fold them

I don’t want to fold them to put them in a bag

Just to lock it all up

Just to take it all back

Because if you ask me for honesty

Honestly I don’t wanna leave

You’re the only thing I know anymore

And I just don’t wanna go anymore

I don’t wanna go to get lost

Not if it’s not in your arms

Because baby I loved you like you loved me

But I didn’t stop

Not even for one second,

I promise I never pretended

I love you like a movie

But the movie never ended

Because I knew in my heart

That I would love you forever

Because baby how can I leave

When telling myself to leave you

Is the same thing as not breathing?

I breathe through your smile

Without it I know nothing

I didn’t need all the answers

I just wanted your loving

But you made me feel so small

You made me feel like I was nothing

I was on top of the world

But now I keep falling

Falling for your words

And sometimes it bruises me

Just because you can’t see my scars

Doesn’t mean it’s not hurting me

I used to look into your eyes

And I would see my life as complete

But now whenever I look

I don’t look to deep

Because now im just afraid

I used to want to stay

Just to stay just to gaze

But you wouldn’t let me

You just kept pushing me away

You’d say you loved me

But it just didn’t sound the same

It didn’t sound like the first time

It didn’t sound like you were scared

Scared of losing me

If anything you sounded prepared

Prepared to erase me

Better yet replace me

I threatened to leave you

because I thought you wouldn’t dare

I guess the joke was on me

It seemed as if you didn’t even care

You said okay like it was actually okay

But baby after that day

Nothing seemed okay

I just wanna know why I can’t look into your eyes

I can’t even see you when I look into your eyes

It’s like you’ve put on this disguise

Its like you're trying to hide

It’s like you’ve gone away

But I feel like you won’t return

And even if you did

I knew it wouldn't be a lesson learned

It would be the same story over and over again

Until the tables start to turn

I just cant help but wonder

Maybe I wasn’t worth the pain

Maybe I wasn’t worth those sleepless nights

Maybe you didn’t wanna walk through the rain

Maybe I wasn’t worth the fight

But baby to me you were worth every dime

Sometimes I'd just sit by my window

And watch time just pass me by

I’d sit by the window

And see tears rolling down my cheeks

I’d tell myself you didn’t mean it

When you said all those hurtful things

But then I’d ask myself questions like

What if this is the real me?

Maybe you were right all those times

I would just start to believe

Maybe you were trying to put me in my place

And maybe that place is where I belonged

Sometimes I’d say you were wrong

But then I'd wonder what if you’re really not

You called me so many names

Said I brought you shame

But I guess you’re not to blame

I’ve convinced myself that I’m that girl

I’m that girl you’ve labeled me to be

Because you must be right

Because how can you not know everything

Maybe because when you were listening you weren’t really listening

You were taking notes, but you’d skip certain things

And I remember how you’d say it hurts to see my cry

So I began to bottle up my tears

I'd smile on our dates as if I could smile for years

I’d hide my sorrows until you disappeared

I’d tell myself that it’s not you it’s me

Because how could it have been you

To me you were perfect

Meanwhile I needed to put some work in

But I did it for you

Because I thought you deserved it

I gave it another try after another try

Even after all those long nights

Because to me baby…

You were always worth the fight

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