1...2...3...Our Ego Has Not Won

Sat, 01/13/2018 - 17:56 -- gsilva

Dear past self,

 

_____________1______________

 

I should probably let you know 
I sent an arrow flying into my mind
Hoping it'd find someone cool I could write to
But somehow, it targeted you.

 

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
Someone has been feeding my ego,
And its hunger has grown to be insatiable.

 

You are no longer enough to fill me up with wonder
Or happiness
Or delight.

 

You've become
Embarrassment 
And despair
And that emo phase that happened and I keep trying to forget.

 

You are no longer enough
To matter
I have decided to feed you to my ego 
So that it might grow and be satiated,
I hope you are enough to keep its belly from rumbling for more.

 

Your flights of fancy have become
Too childish,

 

Your outfits are
Too loud,
 

Your voice is
Too loud,

 

You are too loud,
And your loudness has attracted
The wrong type of attention.

 

Oh, child!
If only...

 

If only you had kept quiet,
I wouldn't have remembered you.

 

If only you had been like all the other kids,
I would have paid you no heed.

 

If only you had worn black instead of pink,
You might have been able to hide amongst the crowds.

 

If only you had been sad,
I might not have spotted your teeth gleaming as that smile formed on your face.

 

_____________2______________

 

See?
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
Someone has been feeding my ego,
And its hunger has grown to recognize you
As the only thing to keep it satisfied.

 

My ego is hungry to write you off as a has-been,
In hopes of making it seem that I have gotten
Better
Wiser
Kinder
Than you could have ever been.

 

My ego shoves my accomplishments down your throat.
I'm sorry,
But elevating myself has always been the goal.
I hope you understand that feeding my ego will benefit us both.

 

Your failures fill your mind
As my accomplishments start to get lodged in your throat.
My ego feeds on both,
Dissecting your flaws,
And leaving a carcass where a girl once was.
 

_____________3______________

 

Oh, child!
I'm sorry...

 

I'm sorry you didn't survive the process
I really believed you would.
I only meant to poke some fun;
Elevating myself has always been the goal.

 

I never thought I'd be writing a letter
To a corpse.

 

It seems as though my ego took too much of you,
In hopes of making itself full.
Now memories are all that's left of you.

 

I'm sorry I didn't recognize you
For what you were
While you still drew breath.
I simply tossed you to my ego,
And ultimately caused your death.

 

I've heard it said that
"We must let the past go
And embrace the future,"
But how did that work out for us?

 

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised
That my ego led me down the wrong path.
But, if memories are all you left me,
I will put them to good use;

 

I will wring them dry,
For every last detail of you.
I have realized, that with those memories in my mind,
You will never be truly gone.

 

My ego has tried to gain control of our actions,
But we have won.

 

Love,
You, Me, Us.

This poem is about: 
Me

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