Maybe if I got Raped, They would care


It's all my fault I kept saying

I was the reason everything happened

That's all I kept hearing in my head and from my family

I messed it up Not him He was the pious man everyone looked up to

He couldn't have did it

It must be a lie

He has his own wife and kids

What does he need from a 12 year old

The police didn't believe me, Foster care system didn't believe it

I didn't mind taking the blame but really all I wanted was for it to stop

I was sick and tired of having to act like I'm fake sleeping as he layed behind me.

I was tired of the moments in the car with his hand on my lap

I was tired of being forced to sit on his lap

The worst days were in the morning

Everyone was asleep and he was horny

And the 12 year old is confused

They told me why I didn't I tell him to stop

Why didn't i yell

How are you supposed to figure out what's going on by the time he puts his hand in your shirt

Or the fact that you've trusted him

Or the fact that he started it off so sneakily

Who in the world says hey come here let me Molest you

I guess they found some shame in that I guess they're modesty grew now

A year of sneaking around and lying and trying and scared

Everyone around you acting like they don't care

Then you start to rebel because life seems not to be fair.

Then everyone looks at you like the bad child but doesn't understand what's happening at home

What's happening there where she's all alone

Loneliness is never physical.

You can be around one million jillion people but still be empty on the inside

You're turning to people hoping you find someone that will help you

Then one day after he tried to put it in.

After God saved you and let someone walk in.

After the person acted stupid and walked out

Then the man got scared and you saw what he was all about

So you're siting there wondering why

What did you do wrong

Maybe it was the way I dressed

I guess I led him on

Damn 12 year old always doing something wrong

Didn't understand life couldn't even figure out a thong

Yet she was to blame

Because the old man had all kind of fame

And he was big time with a huge name

And she was stuck in a situation where there was nothing to gain.

The little girl still asked why

till she opened up and told a friend

Who got her in trouble

So much trouble with fam

She was furious at the friend

She didn't want anyone in trouble

She just wanted it to stop

Stop the abuse Stop the cuts

So she turned from one guy to another to another Hoping they would give her what he's supposed to

That they would protect her and hold her close to

Hoping maybe they didn't find her as a piece of meat

Hoping that they wanted to be with who she really was

Hoping that they can get rid of all the pain

She just wanted them to be kind even if they didn't mean it

make sure next time you talk about her you get it right

Cause in her soul there is a real fight

And the one she loved obviously had no sight

He didn't

or couldn't

or didn't want to

or didn't know how to

or couldn't control his self

or just didn't love her.

But I loved her

because there was no one else too

And when she cried

I burned too

And right there I wanted to die

But why would I want to die

What could have she wanted

But I loved her not cause

I had to

not because I needed to

but cuz she wasn't mad at him

She was just hurt

She wanted it to stop

She wanted to be loved

I gave her my hand and held it real close

I wanted to inject in her real love

if even just a dose



I met this girl when I was 12, who seemed different. She had an amazing personality and was always happy. We got real close when we were younger and even till this day. She went through problems at home and confided in me. I stood by her side the whole way through. I did not know the answers but i knew i needed to be there. Her uncle lived with her and he would molest her daily, weekly. monthly. She would cover it up so well and I had no idea. This poem describes her story. The story of someone who has been sexually abused and not thought of, only blamed due to culture. Her name is Nina and I will forever love her. 

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