May Day

I was formed inside of you in nine months’ time

I was your second           

I was sometimes called the “favorite”

You liked to call me your “skinny Minnie” or your “Tator Tot”

Times were simpler back then for us but now it’s been plagued

The swarm of differences between us only festered and grew

Into something that could only define our relationship in one word

Broken

I can’t hate you

You have done so much for me

Yet I find myself resenting you because of what you’ve done to break me

Some mom’s teach their kids to reach for things unobtainable

You can do it if you work hard enough

You said I couldn’t be a soccer player when I was in middle school

You said I should think of a real job

When some mother’s support their daughter’s passions and talents

You wanted me to quit dance as soon as freshman year of high school

You said it would do nothing for me

I graduated from high school with three different dance honorable mentions

Even now, some mother’s motivate their daughters to keep trying

You don’t believe in me right now

You get my hopes down in every bleak situation

My absolute best isn’t even good enough for you

You say I’m not trying hard enough, but how would you know?!

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

God knows that I would climb mountains

Swim across oceans

Run miles

Touch the stars...

If it would prove to you that I am good enough

It’s so freaking hard for me not to hate you!

It’s even worse when I see my peers with their moms

Taking pictures with them and adding cute captions

When I can’t even remember the last time I hugged my mother

I don’t hate you but I wish you could see yourself through my eyes

Just for one day

I remember the times you helped me and cared for me

However those memories are all overpowered by the bad memories of you

I remember the first time you called me a bitch

I remember when you told me I wouldn’t get into APU

I remember when you told me I couldn’t go to camp

I remember when you called me uncaring and nonchalant

I remember each moment crystal clear

The good memories are blurred and vivid in my mind

I used to blame you for treating me like this

I took a deep breath and discovered something else

You might be crazy and drive me crazy

You drive me insane and the things you say make me tick

But you still love me

And I still love you

I don’t know if I’ll make you proud by getting this money on my own

I hope I do

Please believe in me

Because your approval is all that matters to me

Guide that inspired this poem: 

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