Smile, they said. You have nothing to be worried about, they said.

 

Of course I dont, or at least not in their eyes.

 

See, they dont know the pain I go through everyday, they dont know anything.

 

And as much as they think they know about me, they dont know a damn single thing.

 

Its all a mask, you see. A mask to coverup the blemishes--the blemishes that have corrupted my life and have brought me to shame before the crowd, nothing but shame.

 

My smile is a lie. my laughs are nothing but lies. my life is a lie

 

And as I keep on moving through life, still lying, still hiding, I tell myself, only God knows why I do this. becasue not even I know why

 

Why? idk, I guess im just afraid.

 

Afraid to be judged. afraid to be shamed. afraid to be REJECTED.

 

My greatest fear in life? Being alone. Im afraid of letting my past, which has hurt me so much, become a part of my present.

 

Im afraid of having to let my true self out because everyone is so used to seeing "me."

 

I hide. I cover. I mask.

 

And as I keep on moving through life, still lying, still hiding, I tell myself, only God knows why I do this, because not even I know why.