MAMA (A long one dedicated to ......you won't guess my mother! she deserves it :)...)

Dear mother,

never do I forget the things youve done for me,working two jobs and juggling two roles without you wanting us to utter the simplest of words 'thankyou'.My God ! do I look up to you!, wonder woman hasnt got a single thing on you.I wish I was as brave as you, I wish that I could sit you down hold your beautifully scarred hands and tell you. "MAMA you can be at peace now,because peace is in me,all this time your face was blindfolded, because god had your heart in mind, saw the things you did for us and asked the angels to bring him in on one of his creations you flourished into success."

Some days I cant fall asleep because I have this fear of falling,falling into attachment with the people around me after ive seen it hurt you at times, how we shared a bond with my sister and had to bury that sweet soul after we spoon fed her affection.Sold her a dream that the future is up for grabs and that she could take little baby steps on the road of successfulness.

All i want is the best for you,I may be young but ive witnessed the ordeal of pain you went through.I saw you carry a rose throned crown and drag rusty weights of empty apologies of father on your wrists whilst standing on splinters after watching the traces of his bloody footsteps disappear.YET STILL.. looking up at us and smiling "are you safe?".

MAMA, dont lock yourself in a room and hide your tears, and crack open a fake smile because you can rest now.I sure as hell wont judge you because everyone at times can be fed up with whats going on now.After disasters and whirlwinds of grief, youre stil able to forgive, but never forget.You love to laugh and joke around with the feeling of emptiness but you cant fool the ones who know you better than you know yourself.Just like you cant turn a graveyard into an amusement park.

MAMA, you're allowed to feel pain.Because YOU are not alone,

Janurary you took my advice.

march you told me I dont have to cry.

April god gave you another life.

And in November you'll continue to survive with no-one but the ones who were there for you , rather than those cold shoulders that were there to pry.I cant wait for the day I have a daughter and she asks me who she should aspire to,My mind wont even think twice because that would be all you.

Your laugh is like the last sound of thunder claps before the rain settles into a deep blue sky,your warmth is better than an open stove where your wisdom breaths fire,your prayers helped me over come the most.I thank god every single day that I was blessed with the best of hearts and souls on this earth.

I remember the days you used to braid my hair and i used to dig into the carpet as if I would find paradise under your feet like i would find a precious pearl from the seven heavens in a public toilet.You laughed and said "All you need to be is yourself,because my child your love is like no other and that only will always be the key to my heart and your lords."

Never did I forget those words, and never will I forget you,I hope that one day i can repay every single thing you've ever done for me but it would never be enough.

BUT..in the meantime what i do have is my love and gratefullness written on a piece of paper and ribboned with metaphors and maybe just maybe sealed with the key to your heart...me being honest and myself.

THANKYOU MAMA.

 

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