Make Me Stop Loving Her

For Stacy-Ann

The woman I love was seated at the ground floor of the North Stand.
I underwent three years of depression after our affair went wrong.
My heart was throbbing and I was burning to go and tell her I’m sorry.
She briefly spoke to my partner so she definitely knew I was there.
I concealed my misery when I learned that she did not ask after me.

She was amid the crowd just a few meters from the playing field.
Even though she was out of sight, I felt her energy in the atmosphere.
I cannot articulate how much I wanted to see her at that moment;
Nevertheless I knew I was not going to show up abruptly at her seat.
I had a feeling that she would not greet me with wide open arms.

Considering what happened between us, I did not know how she felt;
Neither did I have the slightest thought that she still loved me.
I seriously felt that I would never stop loving her regardless of the futility.
It took everything I had within me not to go over there and see her,
And my decision to avoid her plunged me back into deep depression.

She has been harbouring resentment towards me since we broke up.
And I feared she might get angry and humiliate me in front of the crowd.
It was a very difficult situation and the distress was too much for me,
So I hung my head in shame and left the facility without seeing her.
I regretted that I did not go to her and I cried inside on my way home.

Every day I reflect on the sinful but fervent love that we used to share.
My greatest wish came true when I met her in the small classroom.
I said I should love her endlessly the first time she smiled at me.
The touch from her inexperienced hands filled me with emotion.
I appreciated her love and I treasured her more than any other woman.

Even though she was a shy virgin and it was her first relationship,
She loved me the best way a virtuous woman could love a man.
I loved her excessively then, and now I still have that same love for her.
The passion brought tears of joy to my eyes when she kissed me,
But I have shed only tears of grief since the day fate separated us.

I was so careless that I lost her unique love and it destroyed me;
Nevertheless the thoughts of her continue to obsess my mind.
Why am I unable to forget the love and the happiness she brought me?
She is the object of my affection, the woman I desire most of all.
It seems that nothing on earth can make me stop thinking about her.

I am falling apart and I cannot live with this sadness anymore.
O Lord, take away my life if my arms will never embrace her again.
Please take this painful instinct of love from my broken heart,
Do not let me be constantly in love with someone I cannot have.
Make the woman I love come back to me or make me stop loving her.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741