I always dreamt of being my parents little girl. But unconditionally being loved always seemed so surreal. Never being called beautiful and pretty just because, longing for someone to love me with without ever being  judged. Living in a world, growing up with little guidance. Scared to tell people how I felt, so instead I would hide it. Having to be tough, to secure the inner pain. Afraid to let it out, not wanting to be shamed. I thought I could go forever without letting it out, but my pain turned to anger for sure without a doubt. Hate filled my heart without even knowing, I was an angry child and it was clearly showing. Was I pretty?  Was I good enough? Were the questions I asked. Would I ever be able to get over my past? Was I worth being here, or was I just kidding. How can I ever trust someone to love me if my own parents didn’t? These questions haunted me daily like a bad dream, so I tried to enclose them by joining a team. Ball was my outlet, my safe place, my ground, that’s how I channeled my aggression when there was no one around. As I got more advanced everything seemed alright, until I looked in the stands and not a family member in sight. I acted as if it was ok, like there was no one I needed. I had me and only me, but really I felt defeated. In a world all alone, just trying to get by, constantly longing for love was like chasing a high. It was time for me to go, to get away from all the pain, to leave my past behind me, and put it all in this game. I was finally great at something, to make my family proud, so I thought maybe then I would see them in the crowd. Seems like things wouldn’t change so I made sure I was far, leaving everything behind but still having those scars. It was like a new world that I wasn’t used to, people were so friendly, so loving, and I didn’t have a clue. My past was taking over my present something I knew oh too well. But I had two choices, stand up or fail. Even though everything seemed to be going right, one thing I still missed was forever love in my life. Insecurities began to come again, and I felt overwhelmed, just getting in relationships to finally just be held. I still carried that weight, not thinking I was. Blinded by good grades, victories, and all the college buzz. As I got older I noticed it more, fixed on finding real love more now than before.  I tried over and over, time and time again, to try and find a way to not let my past win. But it did. I felt lonelier than I did when I was a kid. Why do I need love was the question I asked. Why was I so fixated on love and the horror of my past? Denial was my best friend, and it got me through. But deep down inside I knew it wasn’t true. I needed that love, because inside I was a mess, and all I could think about was finding my happiness. But then one day you came, just a voice of the phone. And suddenly out of nowhere I didn’t feel all alone. He made me feel pretty again, he made me feel sure; he made me feel like I could finally open that door. That door I kept locked with everything inside. That door that I felt so strong about, and was desperately trying to hide. He gave me back my confidence, he gave me back my smile, he made me feel like this was the person God had been creating for me for a while. He didn’t let me go when I tried to pull back, whatever I was lacking he picked up the slack. Even though I was an onion he peeled back my layers, easily piece by piece, like he had taped into my prayers. I was so amazed by his spirit and the way he chose to love, the genuineness, the compassion like it was sent from above. He opened my heart where no one else has ever been; he was not only my lover but became my best friend. He showed me that unconditional love did really exist, and that this time around his chance won’t be missed. Who is this man you say that has made me so grateful, His name is Nicholas Walker, and to him I say thank you <3