Oh to love love,
Yet be stricken by its sharp pain at every end;
I find myself stuck in this seemingly unbreakable cycle.
I love to love those who I love
And then an end comes
So I go and I love to love myself and solitude.
But then comes one
Who makes me miss them and love more than my alone time can provide me.
I want to love love
And love those abundantly
Without being asked to call things quits.
I want to freely flow in the winds of emotions and care
And never fall to my demise at the ocean below me.
However, here I am drowning under the tremendous waves in a sea of pain.
I feel the wave knock me hard as I slowly start to sink.
I am alone again
But this time, the pain is ever-present and holds me.
When will I be free from this cycle?
Do I look forward to being rescued and to be soaring through the skies of tender affection
If I know that the sea will hold me and threaten my life once again?
I gain and lose
And I hate losing you.
I try not to dream of a time when we can be friends again
Because what if again is only just a dream?
Should my heart bear the burden of a reality that I will never attain?
I love loving you.
I love the warmth of these emotions that I send to wind
Even with the distance I hope it reaches you.
I love the yellows and oranges that my hearts paints and wishes you to see
Even if I have the blues and colds within me.
I wish I can see and feel your warmth again
Because your coldness pains me.
I ponder in redoing my actions
But maybe this outcome was inevitable.
Does fate play a role in love
Or are we all just building the path as we walk?
I want to love you
And feel at ease
But for now,
I will continue to love loving you and you
While this pain scorns me.
Because to be fair,
I have already lost you.
So who am I to deny
Myself the pleasure of still loving you?