Lately my groupme's been filled with these memes;
Pregnancies of bitches I do not know. 
Come on what's deal I ain't got time to chill or lay up and get pregnant by no male hoe. 
But I've been there before I've done that;
Well not all the way I've signed contracts.
To let a doctor take some tongs,scrap the inside of my womb and remove 2 lives from me.
Their faces I'll never see.
& deep down it's killing me. 
I feel guilty,
Guilty like when the anesthesiologist complemented my nails
While inserting my i.v. I swear that sleep burned like hell. 
They have nails. 
They had nails.
I looked away, staring at the room's door titled "operation."
Abort Mission. 
I've failed them.
As I smell pinesol, two doctors surround me.
One male one female.
The woman looks at me saying it will be over shortly.
Is it too late to bail?
I am awake.
I feel empty.
As empty as a pregnant woman who fell asleep and woke up no longer with child.
What's wild is how I awakened:
Staring in the same direction at the room's door titled "recovery"
They must be mistaken 
I can't seem to throw away their ultrasound.
It's been 364 days..
I stand in the mirror pretending my tummy's still round. 
Man 'til this day I still feel like shit.
I cried & asked God to send me love
Then I wind up with 2 bundles of it. 
And instead of thanking the man above
I returned them to Him. 
I wonder; what is love? 
My aunt told me the 2 lives growing inside of me were curses sent from the devil. 
My mom told me I'd have to live on my own and provide for them alone. 
My father didn't speak to me for days and although he's anti-abortion he couldn't imagined his baby girl with 2. 
I didn't know what to do. 
Their father told me he didn't want any more children; to my surprise he already had one on the way.
I stopped thinking about their lives and began to think of mine. 
Beautiful but burden-full was my conclusion; I'm in college I don't have time.
Yet, if I'd known these emotions of constant emptiness exist post-abortion, pre-abortion, I wouldn't have done it. 
Nevertheless, I am a woman who got an abortion on Halloween. 
I am a woman who celebrates her fetuses' home going.
One who dreams of going home to see their faces.
& I swear I ain't too proud to tell ya that I cry sometimes; I cry sometimes about it.
I promise you it hurts & I know it wasn't worth it
Wish I could find some peace but I doubt it. 
I am a woman who debates on being the grim reaper or an angel with 2 halos for Halloween. 
Maybe I'll be Wonder Woman.
Bcuz I'm so strong
I've made it this far I never knew I would make it this long
I faced those babies' father I never knew I could fake it this long. 
I swear I'm done with phoney kicking it that ain't for me.
And those niggas that half choose I swear you ain't for me. 
In other words you're barking up the wrong tree. 
I'm focused on my future; & where I wanna be..
I've learned from the past for it has made me who I am today. 
If I could go back and change my actions I would;  I'd be happier today.
I'm just proud to be alive for I've looked death in his eyes and realized that I am a child, a descendent, of God. 
As God exists and He is love, I Am.
A woman by far but an art of perfect imperfections.