Lost in My Mind and Found in Yours

Sometimes I lie in bed at night and wonder why there was a difference

Why your love is the one that will be there even when I'm falling apart

And all the others were based on the condition that I be what they called sane.

I've lived and loved through so many of those conditional statements

That I can't even tell which ones are worth trying to be anymore.

They said just tell me when you feel alone and I'll be there

Except when I did they told me it was too often

That they felt smothered

And to just be happy

As if somehow I could control my happiness, and the triggers

Control every time I was reminded of being raped

And control every time I didn't understand the difference between them

And those who hurt me.

I don't want you to love me on a condition I can't fulfill

I'd rather you rip out my heart right now

Then ask me to try to achieve some level of sanity that I lost the ability to long ago.

This is what I think about when I can't have your arms wrapped me

Whispering into my ear that although I don't see much left of me

That every bit is worth loving and that you'll do as much as you can

And as much as I let you.

I miss you so much

Yet when you're here, I'm not.

I'm sorry.

The last thing I want you to remember

Is that I will always love you

For giving me myself back.

Comments

Chloe Elizabeth Hadden

WOW! That is powerful I feel the same way. It is great to have poetry to let out emotion. Alot of the time when I write a poem emotionally no one can under stand what I am saying so congraulations thats a big step.

QuirkyRose

This is something I search for in someone because I share the desire for someone to understand or at least try to understand how my mind works.  Love your poem. :)

zoe.kniskern

Beautiful and powerful

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