losing sleep
i’ve been losing sleep
falling victim to lengthy nights and lonely mornings
spent with heavy lids
and blistering, heated tears
falling unpredictably like midsummer raindrops
my vacant eyes, lost the picture they use to hold
the world now not worth a second glance
my bitten and chipped nails
sinking into my numb skin and heavy bones
while each thought comes like a rip tide
causing waves of emotion and
currents of depression
leaving my mind paralyzed
but never enough
to forget you
my bed is biting and bare
lost without your pleasant presence
old, childhood blankets and patched, stuffed bears
sit on the edge of the bed
in a petty attempt to replace you
echos of your soft, fragile smile
drawn on your face
while you dreamed about me
and your comforting hands
wrapped around me
of our weightless limbs knotted together
and mornings where fingers skimmed skin
possessively writing your name all over me
taunt me while I grasp
my soft pillow
your name always on the edge of my stained lips
sometimes
my bare feet
pad across the chill living room tiles
while i’m dressed in your abandoned hoodie
that hasn’t seen the washing machine since you left
stumbling into forgotten furniture
i’ll reach for your crumpled letters
littered and lost on the broken coffee table
a ghost of what we had
mercilessly haunting me
the room only lighted by streetlights
leaking through the closed curtains
a reserved silence in the depressed night
for the those poor, pathetic souls
up late enough
to mourn over something lost
i replay your voicemails
and reread your letters
each night a new landscape
to navigate and remember:
our first date
where you bit your lip too much
and extended me a sweaty palm
our first kiss
where you asked if you could
and held my face
my eyes trained on your bitten, pink lips
our first dance
where you showed me off to everyone in the room
where your eyes took
most of my covered secrets
arm secured around my waist
when you moved in
your things overflowing out of
brown boxes set behind my couch
your trinkets littered around my, no,
our
apartment
until you just claimed my things as yours
when you showed me off to your friends
and sung my name
they teased you for being so enamored
and i can still hear your voice ringing in my ears
when you kissed me without warning
no notice, just your lips on mine
and those were always the sweetest
now i still feel late kisses
burning my raw lips
each memory
scratched and etched forever into my mind
it was sudden
i had no warning
it was like a gun going off
in a sunday church service
you don’t call
and you don’t respond to my text messages
and you probably aren’t losing sleep
and you probably don’t relive the moments we shared
and you probably don’t think about me
but god forbid
that maybe you do care
that maybe you do think about us
or maybe you relive those memories
that you lose sleep
like i lost you