To Lose You


Salty kisses fell on my lips,
And left cold trails behind
As tears fell from my eyes.
"How can a dream cause so much pain?"
She was there...
You see, I used to cut.
I self harmed.
And I went to many psychiatric hospitals because of this.
Just 'cause my parents were a bit alarmed.
Truth is, they didn't seem to care; 
I was always a no one with no one there.
Many times I could've died, 
Many many times..
But I'm here, that must mean something, right?
At least to someone it might.
I know It does...
The thing is, this dream.
I dreamt of her, 
Of her most beautiful and angelic self,
And I never saw her again.
I went to a hospital once again in this dream,
Because of cutting of course,
And I met her there on my first day.
And as the days went by we became closer and closer.
My heart had finally found it's place;
True love was it's name,
And her heart was it's shelter.
The day came, and she was to go home, 
And so was I.
But she left, and I was never able to say goodbye.
The word echoed through my mind.
She was gone,
I knew It.
I knew I would never see her again, 
And that killed me.
The emptiness simply consumed me,
And I was lost in the chasm it created inside my chest.
Do you know what it's like to feel lost inside a hopeless dream?
To see the love of your life leave and not being able to hug her goodbye one last time?
Do you know how it feels wishing to be with the person you love and not being able to?
It kills you.
It killed me...
I left the hospital wishing for nothing but to be with her.
My mind drew itself to a fantasy it created,
And she was in there with me, stuck inside the hospital once again.
What a selfish thought...
I love her...
And those tears,
Those tears I wept in my dream,
They fell upon my physical cheeks.
And they kissed my skin with more sorrow than I ever felt before.
I immediately texted her:
"Good morning my beautiful,"
And we talked like we always do,
And I mentioned my dream to her, but I didn't explain it.
I love her,
More than anyone will ever know.
And I need her by my side; 
In her I find meaning to my life.
She is my life,
And to feel like I had lost her was worse than I could bear.
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