Living in Thoughts

There’s things In my mind
I sometimes struggle to find
things like who I really am
maybe if I look deep inside I'll me

These Intrusive, antagonizing thoughts
keep invading my mind like termites
they lead me to believe
that everyone will leave me & let me go

There’s something massively explosive
inside my beating chest
emotions leaking like water roars down waterfalls
The torturous emotional takes its toll

Can’t tell what's real or thought
I’m so disconnected from myself
it’s like after something good happens
the memory is suppressed taken
locked up so good can't be heard, seen or remembered, explain that

I can go from the happiest of enjoyments
To exploding the angriest or saddest of tears
the impulsivness behavior strains
Why is it so hard to get this under control

I have many conversations inside my head
Like there's something inside me
saying Do this, Do that
Your going to be alone
You minds well be gone

I've struggled with mental health problems/ issues since I was young
Just try to imagine this
My legs, wrists and even chest
The thoughts would stop through the blood staring pain
Not really having help just bad memories

I’m an adult now
and nothings really changed
except for being told
there’s a disorder in my brain

Now I don’t want attention
I need attention but hate to ask
I need some affirmation
I know nobody cares, loves or enjoys this monster
I know I'm mental
I TRY!

This poem is about: 
Me

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