One year ago, how the time goes.
I began my year free
I say free, the world felt new. For the first time I was ready to pursue only me.
Impulsive. I jumped into things too quickly without truly thinking of the implications of my actions.
I moved in with my friend of 15 years.
We were ready.
Ready to pursue ourselves, to grow, to take on new goals.
I met someone, someone who shared the same motivation.
An explorer. A dreamer.
Again impulsive. I trusted too easily too quickly.
I let him in to my life, showed him all of my favorite habits.
I was working and reaching for something for myself.
For the first time I looked towards myself and I got caught up.
Caught up in a man who couldn’t love himself.
Quickly he attached. I wasn’t ready.
Time, I just needed time to build this person I was reaching to be. Not ready to settle down and invest myself into someone.
Active citizenship. I found a love for service. To give, to experience, to embrace.
New Orleans, you changed my perspective.
The government failed you, suffering from Environmental Injustice.
I cleaned up streets, yet to be touched from the devastation once known as Katrina.
I craved to do more, I put my heart and soul into something that felt would give me what I was looking for.
He moved in close, wanted more and I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready.
I had no idea, clueless.
I was clueless to the fact that this man I had only just met was suffering.
Hurting, lost, confused.
Kind, caring, and patient was what I saw when I looked at him.
I believed he would understand the time I needed.
A day spent writing about Environmental Injustice of Katrina.
I tore through the pages explaining what I thought.
He sat patiently, embracing our presence.
This was the last day.
Last day I would see his smile.
He said he would be back.
I received a call that day.
He told me “I’m sorry, I’ve felt this way for an entire year. It’s not your fault. You have a lot going for you. You will be okay.”
My explorer, the dreamer. Took his own life.
How could I have shared experiences with someone?
Someone I knew nothing about..?
All the pain, he just hid.
Covered it up
Spontaneous adventures we embarked on.
I can’t seem to grasp, to understand…
I waited, time to search deeply and fight.
Find the bit of strength I had.
I had to keep moving.
I learned that even the worst tragedies that felt possible.
The ones that you feel your world flip upside down.
Time doesn’t stop, or slow down.
The world keeps going forward.
I had to move forward.
Distractions. Work, work, work.
I had to invest my energy into something tangible.
Environment, nature, activism, recycling, conservation efforts
I felt something
Beauty, there is beauty in this world.
Despite the pain it brings us….
This world is beautiful and we must fight. Fight for her.
Give a voice to what can’t be heard.
I found my strength in my passion.
I am alive, this world is alive.
I have to do what I can, even the littlest actions.
Make a difference.
And do all that I can with love.
Appreciate a moment because you never know…
Never know the last moment.
I now have the deepest appreciation for this life, this world, and those in it.
Beauty is everywhere, it’s your choice
Choose how you want this life.
Make an impact.