Letters to Myself

She writes furiously into the notebook labeled
"AP Calculus AB"
Nothing else is important.
Students are staring at her .
Teacher's just glaring at her .
Class has been silent for five minutes.
Nothing else is important.
They're wondering if she notices all the stares
Teacher's just wondering if she cares.
She's just wondering if that word makes sense right there.
Does she care?

To the kid
Scribbling raps on paper scraps
In the back of math class,
Watch your ass.
Teachers are lurking.
Kids are smirking.
Your inattentiveness is showing.
I know you don't know the lesson.
Know you don't know integrals and derivatives.
I'm trying to give you help
Teach you a lesson.
Cause if that teacher asks you a question,
I know you're gonna freeze.
Know your gonna make a fool of yourself.

Make a fool of herself?
Just like this fool.
He can't talk whenever she's around.
Mouth gets dry.
Words get stuck.
Frogs are in throats,
And he's ready to croak.
He gives her too much power
With every dead flower he puts in her hair
And behind her ears.
The pain screams through his ears
And shows in his eyes
She is the blue flame
That's engulfing the back of his mind.

To the kid
Who can't tell the girl his feelings,
Take a leap of faith.
Make your soul into a ball
And roll it over to her
Let her either chuck it or keep it
And if she throws it
Forget it.
She didnt deserve it anyway.

What does she deserve?
She's mute in class
But her minds moving way too fast.
She can't keep up
And now the lectures over.
Nothings in the notebook today.
And teachers have scheduled a meeting for Friday
Parents are invited
And hey,
Why not the principle?
Grades are starting to drop
And the only thing in her heart is shame.
Apparently she hasn't been acting the same.
Depression, nonchalance, insomnia, anxiety:
It's all the name of the game.
And they have no idea

To the kid mourning the death of your loved one.
No one understands.
Death is different to everyone that views it first hand.
We all need our time.
I can't promise you that they are in a better place
I can't promise you anything.
I know that feeling where every alley you turn down is a dead end.
All I can say is hope for the best
And find a loving friend

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