Letters to my lover, her family, and our Father

I’m angry with you. I’m sorry I am, I don’t want to be, but I am. You make me sad and you hurt me. My heart aches all the time. Why did you fall in love with me if you can’t love me? Why would you start something and let me fall in love with you when you weren’t ready for us? I know it’s so hard for you. You can’t help the shame and the fear, but you can try a little harder. Find someone to help guide you. Find someone to talk to. I hate myself for having these thoughts. I love you with my entire heart. I just want what's best for you. I don’t want to be angry with you, but I am. I’m so hurt and in so much pain, each time you say you’re afraid you’re going to hell, I know what you’re saying. You still think we’re wrong. You still believe that loving me is wrong. I feel so guilty making you go through this, but I can’t let go. You’re my love, you’re my best friend, and you have my heart. I can’t let go, but sometimes I wish you would let me go. If you can’t love me, please let me go.

 

I’m angry with you. I’m sorry I am, I don’t want to be, but I am. It’s not your fault. You haven’t hurt me or made me sad. You aren’t the cause of my heartache, but I’m still so angry. You taught her that love is not love. You taught her that her feelings were wrong. You shunned her when she tried to tell you last time. You taught her that God wants us to be holy, not happy. You say all these things, but you have love. You are loved. It’s not your fault I’m sad and hurt. It’s not your fault she’s still scared, but I’m still so angry with you. She loves you more than anything. She looks up to you. Sometimes I just wish she could tell you and you would welcome her with open arms. Sometimes I just wish we could be together and have acceptance from you. Please, just let her be. 

 

I’m angry with you. I’m sorry I am, I don’t want to be, but I am. I thought I was done with anger towards you. After so many years of anger, I thought I was done when I met her. She was such a bright light in my clouds. She inspired me to be closer to you. I try so hard to know your truth, to know that you brought her into my life, to know that when I was born, you made me to be the one for her. I try to know that you would bless our union and allow us a family, but it’s getting so hard. Your followers don’t believe it to be true. Your followers preach that we’re sinful and wrong and she believes it. I wouldn’t be angry if it was just them. I wouldn’t be angry if I had to deal with the homophobia. I’m just so angry you let her struggle. I wish you would give her the strength. I wish you would give me strength. Please, just give us the strength to get through this.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My community

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