I’m sorry that I am unable to bring you into this world. I guess that this is a curse that God gave me as a punishment for being me. If I can change I would for you. I somewhat think it's for the best though wouldn’t you agree? I mean... think of it, you would’ve been bullied and hurt for having someone like me as your father. Me writing this is probably the hardest thing I have ever written. I’m holding a child’s toy as I write this too, something I wanted to give you. I would give you everything, even the world but sadly the only thing I can’t give you is life. Sure there are other ways to have a kid like adoption or having a surrogate, but it just wouldn’t be the same would it? If I were to have a kid then it should be between me and the person I love right? That’s how it should be shouldn’t it? People might say that this is pretty stupid, but I want you to come into this world by someone who will love you deeply. It’s funny isn’t it though? The conversation about children, I mean. It’s one that I should’ve had with you later on when you grew older. God the conversations we would’ve had, even though some would probably include arguments and me grounding you, I would’ve still loved you so much! This is the greatest punishment I have given you and I would do anything to hold you just once. I think there are some conversion camps still left or therapy. How about I ask my partner to get surgery or just do it myself? I don’t know about any of this yet, so it’s still in the air right now. Something I do know though is that I would do anything to keep you safe. I would soar to grab a star if it would make you smile. I would remind you how much I love you every day and night in case you forget. Overall though, I would do anything if I can just grasp on to you and hug you tightly in my arms. I always wanted to show you the sky and the world but sadly I can’t. Every time I see my colors many will think pride, but I think curse and punishment by birth. To you, my unborn child, I’m sorry for not being able to bring you here, and I just want you to know that whatever happens I will always miss you! I will mourn everyday for you. I won’t stop loving you, missing you, thinking of you, because you, my unborn child, are the only thing I have closest to feeling love and acceptance.
With much love,
Your unattainable father