Dear Beautiful 

I was born to a woman who literally hated looking at me because I wasn't as pretty as my older sister. I was the girl who had to dress and feed herself because her mom was to stoned to do it. I was the one who spent hours locked in the bathroom crying about how she looked. The one who was covered in burns because she was better than an ashtray at the time. I was the girl who spent her entire childhood hating God for not making her pretty enough to be loved by her mom. But I find myself at a crossroad knowing that when you finally come into this twisted world you'll need to know the truth. Im broken, and you don't need to waste your time fixing something thats gonna break again. You don't need to worry that pretty innocent head of yours about how I'm doing. I live in a world that would rather see me beaten than merely bruised so I'm strong not only for myself but your tiny hands that have yet to hold mine.  You'll need to know that this world isn't quite ready for the fire that you will leave in a blazing trail- and that is no fault of your own. You will see things with youthful eyes that will age you in heartbeats and you will feel passion with a youthful heart through tears and sweet nothings. You my child will own the crown of a princess but carry the blood of a queen. In this day you will find that mere man cannot quench your thirst for more. Settle for nothing less than your brightest idea and allow no one to tear it away from you. I want to fill your head with stories of how wonderful life can be but my love, that would be a great injustice to you. You who is all good and deserving of thy love and honesty. A child who has yet been poisioned by this toxic sanctuary, a babe who has never tasted the foul fabric of a lie. To my child. I owe you more than what this life can give to you, I owe you more than what I myself could ever hope to be for you, so my unborn forgive me for the choice that I make tonight. I myself am a jealous selfish creature and you, pure and beautiful deserve no birthright of my giving. Recieve in heaven what this earth could not spare for you. Take in love what silver and gold could not buy. Reminisce in the freedom you have, now that you are unbound to me. My love forgive me for my weakness but adore me for my strength. As a caress the space where your body lays please understand that I am only a girl. A monster born of Sin and of Cain and in my spirit I know that no Able desendant should escape from my being. You carry the soul worthy of a Goddess and I am merely a vessel. To my daughter, judge me scarcely and when you look down upon me from heaven, see me for everything Im NOT ,everything I will NEVER be and everything I barely AM. For you are the most precious gift I ever gave away and yet I never truely had. A daughter.