It never would’ve worked out between us.
That’s the thing I’ve learned about soulmates -
sometimes it doesn’t work.
And it hurts.
The first time I met you I didn’t know how much you were going to change me
and hurt me
and teach me that it’s okay to not be okay.
I didn’t realize how many nights I would spend
cursing your name
and everything that had happened between us.
At first, I was fine
We were young,.
we were friends,
and I was content.
Then you moved away.
Somewhere I couldn’t follow…
at least without a plane ticket.
Losing you that first time didn’t hurt that much.
I didn’t realize then that you were my soulmate.
The second time though,
it took weeks for me to put myself back together.
When I saw you for the first time after all those years, it hit me right in the face -
You were my soulmate.
The one person who would understand me
be there for me
Everything clicked into place the moment I looked into your eyes.
But I wasn’t ready.
I wasn’t ready for the commitment
for long distance
for accepting the fact that I had found my soulmate
and that I was fourteen
and he lived states away.
I think you felt it too.
Though I’ve never had the courage to ask.
That week was one of the best
and worst weeks of my entire life.
I knew that at the end I would have to leave
and that would mean
leaving you behind.
I pushed away the thoughts.
I should enjoy the days that I had been given.
I wish that there were more.
Everyone tells me to go back to you
even just to visit.
But I can’t.
If I went back,
I wouldn’t be able to leave again.
I think that it would actually kill me this time.
It’s better if we never see each other again.
But I hate myself too much to say no to you.
Sometimes I fantasize about going back
or you coming here,
but I keep this to myself.
We still text,
and everytime we do
I die a little inside
because you’re happy with her
and, my soulmate, that’s fine.