Letter to Loribird

There is no way to communicate

    or describe

The heart-wrenching pain

    the feeling of loss and being lost

        and the fear that comes

    rushing back

    every time

So exciting at first

    to spread the great news

        telling everyone

    then all of the excitement



    and the pain starts 

        creeping in but

    it can't show

It builds inside

    bit by bit

Keep it hidden

    all of the anger

        the hurt

            the frustration

Bottle it up


Problem is


        being strong for everyone else

            is the worst weakness

Last day

    same as always

        perfectly normal

    still hiding

        still safe



With each laugh

    the pressure builds

        far from the breaking point

Then someone asks

    and another

        and another

    plaster on a smile

        "It's nothing"

But it is something

    not wanting to go away

        all the friends

            all the plans

This was always a possibility

    but this time

        it's worse

    knowing what to expect

        and how it always ends

All of the boxes are packed

    suitcases already in the car

Don't cry just yet

        not yet


Another person asks

    again "It's nothing"

Smile at the promises

    to keep in touch

        text every day

    knowing that they won't stick

        after all

            promises are made to be broken

Dying inside


        it's not "nothing"

That's not what it means

    it means

        needing a hug


        wanting to cry

   and scream

One more bus ride

    sitting with a friend

        and finally

            breaking down

I miss you

    and it hurts

        to regret

            that I didn't cry in front of you

    my best friend

I just left

    moved away

I still try

    not to think about it

        to bottle it up

And the worst part



                    it works.


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