Flip to the left, flip to the left
All these girls blind me.
I want a bad girl, I want a hot girl!
My wife is a bore, my kids’ is a chore
With nothing to appease this affliction
Of an addiction I crave on Tinder.
Woah there, slow down. Who that?
This hispanic with the long black hair,
Tanner than any woman after a tanning bed.
Her eyes so fiery green and her teeth blind me
With shining beauty!
Swipe right. Swipe right!
“When can we hang?” she asks in broken English.
“Tonight, tonight,” I replied.
“Meet me by the river at midnight, I’ll take your breath away.”
Oh boy, oh boy! Thank you Tinder!
Finally, a hot, sexy date!
Told my wife that I’m opening a cold one with the guys,
Left the house as quickly as I can.
Bought her flowers, bought her chocolate.
Bought her pupusas, bought her a bracelete.
I’ll take her breath away!
I stood by the river. Boy it’s dark!
I look around with jumpy patience, then I
Heard a lovely laugh and the splash of water.
I followed the river downstream and behold,
A beautiful maiden brushing her hair with a golden comb!
Her long hair covered her face, her slim body
Radiates like an olive lantern.
I saw her phone on the rock with the classic
Breathed in, blew out. I waltzed up.
“Hello fair lady.” I started.
“Ah, my friend finally came.” She said in a spanish accent.
I got ever so closer and stretched out the roses.
“Thank you, but you should’ve given them to someone else”
“But only you deserve this more than anyone.” I flirted.
“What about your WIFE!” She turned around with lightning speed
To reveal the most horrifing thing!
Her decaying face ripped mine; her hair so enteangled
Like my mind.
Her fingernails cut my life;
Her breasts sagged low to her knees.
“Like what you see? Am I everything
You lusted for?” Her screechy voice danced my teeth
As I backed away.
“Am I prettier than your marida?”
I panicked, I’m paralyzed!
“I told you I would take your breath away.”
My vocal chords bursted as I ran through the forest.
Her demonic laugh rumbled through my ears as reached the
Until I blacked out.