Keep yourself to yourself

You thought you were smart
Talking to aliens
on your ham
Radio
 
Now you're on your knees
In a pool of urine
Begging for life
behind a 
Dumpster 
 
The end of that ray gun 
Is cold like space
the little men 
are tough
and cruel
 
Jlork isn't what you thought
he was 
He seemed like a 
Cool guy
With morse code skills
 
Now you realize too late
That he's a jerk
With cold grey skin
And weird stuff 
Hanging on his 
Belt 
 
The smell of fajitas in the air
The stars like gauze
Why does this always
Go down in 
The desert?
 
The back door of Juan's opens
Voices and light
Everyone freezes
Jlork and Nepbun stare at Don
The manager
 
"Hey guys" 
The door closes 
They come here all the time 
They like the burritos
And pulled pork
 
Nepbun grabs you hard
Grey sinewy fingers at your throat
His mouth clicks:
C
O
W
They want cow
 
You thought you had it made
Finding Life in the galaxy other 
Than us
Money! Women! Jimmy Kimmel!
Finally recognized 
For your huge intellect
 
You wanted the secrets
Of space and infinity
Of UFOs and ETs
Now you have blood 
In your eye
And piss 
All over your jeans
 
Why Does life do this?
You're too young 
To die 
On the ground at the 
Hands of aliens 
In a smear of refried beans
And special sauce
 
You messed up when 
You mentioned cows 
Two weeks ago that 
Night
You hung bait 
In the air waves
Over the abyss of space 
 
They wanted them
To pay off parts or something
You said there was like a million 
Cows around your place
Just standing around for free 
Buy there's only three
And they're fifty miles 
Away
 
The dangers of hyperbole
Now you'd better cough it up
Before they splatter your cortex
Like a circus hammer
On a 
Honey dew
Oh God
 
You wish you were home
In the trailer
Snuggled up with Mr. Buggles
Broadcasting with one hand
Playing video mahjong
With the other
 
In a few more hours the sun
Will be up. Summer 
In the desert
You left the air conditioner 
Off 
Mr. Buggles is going to die 
 
You sob 
This is where it ends
Sprawled on the ground
In a torn Atari T-shirt
A heretic charged with
Nerdcraft
Prosecuted by 
Alien inquisitors 
 
Nepbuns ray gun begins
To crackle
C
O
W
!
He shrieks
In a digital cascade of noise
The tip of his weapon 
Is getting hot on your neck
 
"Over there! Man! 
Over there! Behind the hill
Outside of town!"
"There's a buttload of cows!"
Yaaaaahhhh! That's hot!!
He pulls the gun away
And blasts a hole through
The dumpster
 
They're gone
A halo of dust and purple energy
Floats away 
Into the moths around 
The lights of Juan's
The dumpster is on fire 
You are in pain
 
New lights 
Blue and red
Screeching tires
Antifreeze and hot rubber
A cold gun against 
The burn on your neck
Arrested
For arson
 
Hauled Into county jail
Fingers smeared with ink
Thrown to your knees 
Onto concrete 
The door slams
A crackhead thinks you 
Are the guy
Who slammed his ex wife
 
Things are bad
But
Actually they're pretty good
Because as long as you are
Behind bars
You're safe
After all
You lied about cow
 
 
 
 
 

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