I don’t know if I’m going through the stages of grief

But rn I’m pretty fuckin pissed and just wanna scream

I’m perfect the way I am and you made me feel less than that

I’m sorry your insecurities made you push me away

And I’m not saying I haven’t been in that place.

I’m just saying that rn we’re in a race

Of pushing each other away

Seeing who’s in the darkest place

It’s a contest of who can careless more.

And right now it’s a tie

I really don’t think you can ever be replaced, but how I feel I will not tell you.

I want you to think that I don’t care so I can push you away and win that race.

Both you and I know that we can not replace.

But we hurt each other everyday, and are constantly pushing away.

Right now this strange feeling is rumbling inside my chest.

I don’t know what it is and idk how to connect.

What I feel and the words that come out my mouth are not connecting

So I’m aggravated.

Aggravated in my self and every lie that you portray in my face

I am gray and with that I will have to say to your games

Fuck you

Fuck your smile

Fuck your laugh

Fuck every memory that I cannot erase

It’s like falling down an endless pit

So your mind can’t help but stray so far away

When I think of you my heart starts to race

I try to slow down pace by pace

But then I think I could be so easily replaced

I mean maybe that’s how you win this race

I can’t really tell with this game

There’s so much foul play

In my mind you’re the villain and I am the victim of your cruel games

But maybe the roles are switched in your brain

Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for us both to see why we really need each other

But I don’t want to need you.

It’s unhealthy to need you. I just want you. I want to hear your voice, I want to hear you say you love me one last time.

To hear you laugh at my weirdness one last time

I want to hug you one last time

Fall asleep on FaceTime one last time

But I cry and cannot face you this time

It hurts so bad just trying to erase you from my mind

I can’t do anything but stand in place

And watch the time go by

Maybe right now it’s for the best

I don't think we really pass the test

I guess right now is not really the times for us

But I wish it was

But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust

Not just you but

Right now I’m just so damn crushed

I mean it was really rushed

I just wish I wasn’t so selfish

To lose my trust in everyone who wishes me good luck

I just need to keep going

Keep on flowing

Keep on growing

Keep on showing

That I am capable of love

And capable of trust

I just need to adjust

To the hurt I’m going through

It’s just all so new

I don’t really know what to do

But I will get it eventually

I just have to keep on going

Keep on flowing

Keep on growing

Keep on showing

A smile through the darkest blue

Through wind and rain you can still see me I grew

Grew through so much pain and you too

And I’m not trying to put all the blame on you

Because I know where I went wrong too

But I’m just trying to show you that I grew from everything I’m going through with you