Smoke to ease the pain away just for a little bit

My brain moving at the speed of light I be thinking ‘bout some real shit

The feelings of depression falling over my shoulders with that blanket feeling

Hotboxing the ride, inhale the smoke as it whispers “Deep breath in”

Realizing nobody can ease the pain; nobody can force the change, or turn the page

Tears falling down my cheek, screaming in my head “I just can’t take this anymore!”

Asking God why he ain’t take me before??

When I was on life’s edge, playing tug of war

Weighing the pros and cons

Every fucking day I walked out the door with a disguise on

Uh-oh realizing I’m about to choke,

Exhale let my problems escape with the smoke

Nevertheless, that’s just for a little bit

A little bit of relaxation, a little bit of tingling temptation, a little bit of simplification

Because for once my life was at peace, no worries

Mind just like a jackrabbit hopping from one thought to the next topic and this one and that one

At the end of it all and through it all, I think of my son

Davion Ma’Kai, ball of energy, chocolate skin and the deepest dimples you had ever seen

Drown every time I look in those big brown eyes, and for a second things are better than what they        seem to be

I fought 3 long and hard months to get him back in my arms, my baby boy I told you I’d come for you

Still to this day, I would pop everybody if I had to

Had to protect you and I from going back to

Those days I felt alone and scared but that’s in the past and my heart’s broken beyond repair but my soul’s still in tact

Now I’ve grown and laugh at the fact that

You thought you could hurt me; you THOUGHT you had the last laugh. You see

God showed you that my baby needed me

One week early, 10 hours of labor, pushing out an 8lb baby

BOY YOU COULD NEVER BE ME!

You weren’t there to hold my hand or rub my head and tell me I got this!

You wasn’t even there for his birth, how is that something YOU WOULD WANT to miss??

It’s okay, I forgive you

For not doing the things you should do

For giving me every second to look in those big brown eyes

To be the only one who he runs to when he cries

And snuggles up with in the middle of the night