My head is spinning and I can't control it's speed. The scene keeps playing in my head and god, it's got me jerking and convulsing like a crack addict.

I'm a crack addict? Only if you're my dealer.

I can't sleep alone--I hate sleeping alone--but it's something that I've been going through a while now. And it makes me sick to my stomach. Filled with confusion, I regurgitate the feelings that shouldn't be there. 

Why are you still here?! Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?!

I'm seen as a strong-willed person from my apperance, but no one has ever seen me cry. I've cried infront of three that I can trust with my life. But how do I know if I tell you everything, you won't come out the cut with a knife? Or you won't call me trife?

I'm a keg of emotions. I don't know rather to let them sit in fermentation or let them out.

I deny every good because I see the judgemental. Why are you so judgemental? Why must you judge one that cannot do so back?! Why must you chastize me; see this is the exact fucking reason I don't say shit because no one is there for me!

You don't know my full story, you don't know what the fuck I go through!

You might be physically dying, but my mentality is fucking dead. I've died a long time ago and never was ressurected. This...this person you see is nothing but a living, breathing carcass; I've died a long time ago and never was ressurected. Why, if you love one so much, could you not resurrected them?

I want to go back in time and change my future. Why would I want to do that if life is just a box of chocolates?

Maybe I want to fucking see what the hell is inside! My mind runs a 3000 miles per minute and you wonder why I'm so timid. I wonder why you give a fuck, no one else does. No one never did; fuck my feelings and get what you want...

I'm a crack addict? Only if you're the dealer.

Am I supposed to be honest? Only if you're holding me in your arms.

Am I supposed to be crying right now? Am I supposed to be regretting my love right now? Am I supposed to bash myself for giving so much control to a singular person?

No.. only if you tell me to "Stop."
But I wouldn't. 
Because maybe you're like them and would judge me if I did. Because if I did, I'd have to tell you everything you never prepared yourself for. And then you'd run off and leave me to fend for myself in this cold world.

But, that's something that I'm used to? It's in my job description.