January Hurts

Cold crisp air slicing my lungs with every breath

Socks wet from the soggy ground,

Feet aching, becoming numb

Everything shivers with cold

January hurts


Everything trembles under the weight of expectation

Twelve months to become someone else

“new year, new me” is the lie I tell myself

I am not new

Twelve months to move on

To stop being the girl who wasn’t good enough

Twelve months to heal, a lifetime of questions


January hurts


How to act whole

Like I am not cracking up inside

Every time my eyes find

What used to be my January sunshine

Crooked nose, crooked smile

Beaming down on a life that is not mine

Filling her with warm sunshine

And leaving me bitterly cold

January hurts


This absence fills me

Pierces me straight through

And leaving a hole that fills every thought

My mind inevitably returning to that night

When my sun died away

My world frozen

January hurts


But I will continue, soldier on

I will not be frozen forever

I will fill this void in my chest

 And thaw myself from the inside

Putting pen to paper

January hurts (but it doesn’t have to)


I will write to heal, to move on

Through my words I will be born anew.

I will fill my world with the words left unsaid

Remembering the warm summer days

And longing to return to past winters

Yearning for a time gone past

When January didn’t hurt

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