The Janitor that Paints (from Palmer Hayden's The Janitor that Paints)

Mon, 07/06/2015 - 16:59 -- briez98

Steady now.

Don’t move.

Keep still.

Like a statue.

 

That’s right.

That’s good.

Perfect.

That’s perfect.

 

I’m almost done.

Then I won’t have

to keep fighting my laughter

as this feather duster brushes

my neck.

 

Shh!

This trash can is so loud.

No! Please

don’t let the broom fall.

I don’t want them to know.
 

I’m already cutting it close.

I should be at the school,

sweeping the cafeteria

or cleaning the toilets.

I can’t be late again.

 

Steady now.

Like a statue.

Almost,

Almost,

Done!

Comments

WordSmith_15

Hmnn. Interesting. Do you know the history of the painting? If you were going for a historically accurate interpretation of the poem, I don't think you got it. A more comedic interpretation? Spot on.

"Steady now. / Don’t move. / Keep still. / Like a statue. // That’s right. / That’s good. / Perfect. / That’s perfect."

I felt these words came straight out of the artist's mouth. I could hear him speaking them to me as I read it. Nice.

The rest of the poem however, I didn't get that same feeling. I didn't get the feeling of an artist who loves doing what they love at any and all costs. I didn't get the feeling of that place that artists go when they create.

But maybe you were trying to convey other feelings? What did you want this poem to do?

 

Still it's good work. Keep writing =)

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