The Janitor that Paints (from Palmer Hayden's The Janitor that Paints)
Steady now.
Don’t move.
Keep still.
Like a statue.
That’s right.
That’s good.
Perfect.
That’s perfect.
I’m almost done.
Then I won’t have
to keep fighting my laughter
as this feather duster brushes
my neck.
Shh!
This trash can is so loud.
No! Please
don’t let the broom fall.
I don’t want them to know.
I’m already cutting it close.
I should be at the school,
sweeping the cafeteria
or cleaning the toilets.
I can’t be late again.
Steady now.
Like a statue.
Almost,
Almost,
Done!
Comments
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Hmnn. Interesting. Do you know the history of the painting? If you were going for a historically accurate interpretation of the poem, I don't think you got it. A more comedic interpretation? Spot on.
"Steady now. / Don’t move. / Keep still. / Like a statue. // That’s right. / That’s good. / Perfect. / That’s perfect."
I felt these words came straight out of the artist's mouth. I could hear him speaking them to me as I read it. Nice.
The rest of the poem however, I didn't get that same feeling. I didn't get the feeling of an artist who loves doing what they love at any and all costs. I didn't get the feeling of that place that artists go when they create.
But maybe you were trying to convey other feelings? What did you want this poem to do?
Still it's good work. Keep writing =)