My chest is heavy and it's hard to swallow.....it's different this time. I don't recognize what I'm staring at. A sad smile hiding foolish insecurities about what to do next. It isn't as strong as Love, it isn't as possessive or obsessive as lust, the opposite of loathing and certainly above like. These Words I'm using are still too Weak to explain what you make me feel. At first I wasn't that interested but now I wanna work "Twice as Hard". I thought I had finally came to "Reason" by letting out my pain, my sadness, my madness. All those things I had held inside over those years. I feel "Unfinished" like I'm missing a few "#'s". Like you, I too still suffer from the "Sadness of Love". Still making Decisions worthy of a King who only "writes of kings", without praise but with stilled lips. I don't know. I just don't know, what to say, what to do, how to feel how to show you that I'm not a fuck up or a failure. I wanna show you that I'm smart and cool but I lack the confidence and ability to do so, so I just don't know...... It's hard being me.....it's hard being you too I suppose. When in front of you I freeze and tense up. Damn I miss those tungsten forged chains which once resided on my wrist and ankles and weighed me down into the dark depths of that enclosed incline that I once called my mind. My feelings were safe their. Fuck. I'm stuck again. In those in-between feelings consisting of unbearable infatuation and numbingly painful anger. When I think of you, angry excitement flows backwards through my blood pushing these words forward out my mouth. The dreams I have are bitter sweet, the decisions I make are fit for a king though I'm still a free prisoner of my own interest. Damn this blissful horror, yet I still wear  the happiest smile of sorrow that I can put on. Have you ever noticed the sound of the clock? How it goes tick tick tock? That sound, so mind numbing, reminding you that time is running out. One day when the clock goes tick tick stop, that'll be the beginning, then that'll be the end, then that'll be the day that they say may break or make your late fate for time is the gate. I'm sure to you this all sounds beautiful, but I don't think you understand.  I feel like I'm sitting on clouds and needles. Such soft feelings surrounded by careful fear.Yet all I can think about is your smile. It really is the sunshine on my rainy day. Those eyes that made my imagination fly and my solemn expression unwind. This feeling really isn't any of it's kind. This feeling I speak of is the one you give me. Less than love, not as possessive or obsessive as lust, the opposite of loathing and certainly above like.