It just sucks to know that in one flicker of a moment your life could get better or worse. Normally, that thought would be so comforting and it would give you Faith, but in the circumstances of a pessimist, it's so God damn terrifying. The realization that, yeah, things could get a whole hell of a lot worse and you have no control over that.
Not that things were going so swell in your grey cloud of a mind, it would be nice for some speck of hope to sprout somewhere at sometime inside you. But, you have the luck of a planted flower seed in the icy winter. Trying to grow, but the ice is always on top and you've accepted the fact that you will always be subject to walls that serve as barriers around your vulnerability.
It sucks to finally realize that everyone is connecting and growing and becoming so complex while you remain trapped. Trapped by yourself with a lock that has no key. You're the key, but you'd never help your self.
It sucks to know that when your soul and your chest ache so bad, you think of all the outcomes that could happen after swallowing what seems like a world of pills and you come to the unchanging realization. You could be taken over by pills and nobody would come home to see you lying on the floor. Your soul would rot and you would become one with the earth without anybody having second thoughts after stepping all over you.
It just sucks.