Inside Out
Dear bully of my haunting past,
Read me like a book
With a hook
Drown yourself in my words
And run circles around the verbs
Of spoken word
To which people show concern
Lyrically analyze my insides
So I don't have to hide
Slowly turn the page
And come into range
With who I am
And who you imagined me to be
Tear down a layer
Of the other me
So you can see
The butterfly
The was once wrapped in a cocoon
As a caterpillar
Waiting to break free
Break me down
Like a twin tower
That lost power
So I can't decide
To shy under the lie that is me
Rip apart the shell
As if you're sexually abusing
Without bruising
The beauty
That's only skin deep
Make me naked
With clothes on
Then so simplistically beautiful like a gold coin
Rip away the flaws that make the human
And light me like a candle
Or a fresh flower blooming
My scent will become fresh spring
Instead of something cold
That was considered wintery
Try to figure out why my automatic switch
Without rehearsal
Is to jump through hurdles
Trying to be pleasing
And appeasing
Just give me a reason
For this lonely heart
That is already torn apart
But it still pumps blood
Just a little slower than the start
Find out why I look for the approval of others
Kind of like my brothers
Before they rebelled
Find out that there's more to me
Than extra skin and the misguided teen that prevailed
No role modelz
Is what most kids bleed
But read more of the story so that you can understand that's not my history
I have more role modelz than most kids need
But I still choose to be me
Stop putting labels on your girl
Before she screams
You're on chapter 16
Page 6,000
And her life's story is worth browsing
Surf my Internet that's called childhood
Outside the hood
But still knowing things like morning wood
Where's innocence
When I'm misunderstood
Growing up knowing way more than i should
Purity
Being a mindset
And not a life kit
Being gone younger than grown folks would believe
Not knowing that it's never too early to conceive
A different way of thinking
Linking
Up my own chains
But keep reading my book it gets even more insane
There are many chapters to go
But maybe not
Only God knows
Figure if my state of mind grows
And glows
Like everyone believes
Lick your fingers and turn the page
Leaving your mark on me
Make me free
By understanding
Why I chose to be
The person I choose to be
But I guess
There is no freeing
A soul like mine
Yes it may be precious and divine
But as you can see
When you read
The preciousness and divinity
Are rarely seen
Because they keep getting cloaked by uncertainty
Yes certainly
It happens to me
Even though my mouth seems so free
That's news
To the inside out version
Of me
Read on and recognize that I live with self doubt
And a phobia that makes me chase myself around
I once said a thing that I thought was profound
I'm running in a race and I can't catch up to myself
You'll see that in my story
My bodies running a race
And my brain stays in place
But my heart floats in cloud nine
While my soul looks for my mind
Because I've lost it
And I can't find what's right anymore
So I keep looking in the store
For the equipment
That God equipped me with
Figure out why I live with doubt, fear, pain, and others approval
And why there was a removal
Of true self
Read me until I'm inside out
And reach the depths of happiness
That equals true wealth
While I find beauty In myself