Inside Out

Dear bully of my haunting past,

Read me like a book

With a hook

Drown yourself in my words

And run circles around the verbs

Of spoken word

To which people show concern

 Lyrically analyze my insides

So I don't have to hide

Slowly turn the page

And come into range

With who I am

And who you imagined me to be

Tear down a layer

Of the other me

So you can see

The butterfly

The was once wrapped in a cocoon

As a caterpillar

Waiting to break free

Break me down

Like a twin tower

That lost power

So I can't decide

To shy under the lie that is me

Rip apart the shell

As if you're sexually abusing

Without bruising

The beauty

That's only skin deep

Make me naked

With clothes on

Then so simplistically beautiful like a gold coin

Rip away the flaws that make the human

And light me like a candle

Or a fresh flower blooming

My scent will become fresh spring

Instead of something cold

That was considered wintery

Try to figure out why my automatic switch

Without rehearsal

Is to jump through hurdles

Trying to be pleasing

And appeasing

Just give me a reason

For this lonely heart

That is already torn apart

But it still pumps blood

Just a little slower than the start

Find out why I look for the approval of others

Kind of like my brothers

Before they rebelled

Find out that there's more to me

Than extra skin and the misguided teen that prevailed

No role modelz

Is what most kids bleed

But read more of the story so that you can understand that's not my history

I have more role modelz than most kids need

But I still choose to be me

Stop putting labels on your girl

Before she screams

You're on chapter 16

Page 6,000

And her life's story is worth browsing

Surf my Internet that's called childhood

Outside the hood

But still knowing things like morning wood

Where's innocence

When I'm misunderstood

Growing up knowing way more than i should


Being a mindset

And not a life kit

Being gone younger than grown folks would believe

Not knowing that it's never too early to conceive

A different way of thinking


Up my own chains

But keep reading my book it gets even more insane

There are many chapters to go

But maybe not

Only God knows

Figure if my state of mind grows

And glows

Like everyone believes

Lick your fingers and turn the page

Leaving your mark on me

Make me free

By understanding

Why I chose to be

The person I choose to be

But I guess

There is no freeing

A soul like mine

Yes it may be precious and divine

But as you can see

When you read

The preciousness and divinity

Are rarely seen

Because they keep getting cloaked by uncertainty

Yes certainly

It happens to me

Even though my mouth seems so free

That's news

To the inside out version

Of me

Read on and recognize that I live with self doubt

And a phobia that makes me chase myself around

I once said a thing that I thought was profound

I'm running in a race and I can't catch up to myself

You'll see that in my story

My bodies running a race

And my brain stays in place

But my heart floats in cloud nine

While my soul looks for my mind

Because I've lost it

And I can't find what's right anymore

So I keep looking in the store

For the equipment

That God equipped me with

Figure out why I live with doubt, fear, pain, and others approval

And why there was a removal

Of true self

Read me until I'm inside out

And reach the depths of happiness

That equals true wealth

While I find beauty In myself

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