Inside the Mind of A Depressed Woman

In public, I put on the most radiant smile known to man, 

I know in my heart that no one can possibly understand.

My emotions bubble up inside of me longing to come out, 

but I fear the reaction of judgement so I keep my mouth closed without a doubt. 

As soon as I get home, sadness hits me like a truck, 

I know I will never escape this torturous life, I will forever be stuck. 

Crying myself to sleep has become a regular routine, 

I pray and pray for happiness but what does that even mean?

Loneliness is a mind-damaging punishment a person can hardly endure, 

but sadly once you fall into the hole, there is no cure. 

The largest mind game that one must play,

is trying not to eliminate their pain every single day. 

Medicine, alcohol, it could never numb the pain, 

to lock one up in an institution is outright inhumane. 

No friends, no family, no one to tell me it will be alright. 

No one to tell me that at the end of this long, dark tunnel there is light. 

Most people wish for success, love, or a diamond ring, 

but I would kill in the blink of an eye for just one thing. 

The stray tears remain on my face like a mask, 

it haunts me every time I finish it, the empty flask. 

Why is receiving this one wish such a strenuous task?

I just want to be happy, is that too much to ask?