You tell me to say "I love you,"
Demand me to make love to you, and refuse that I do anything else.
I am, confused by your needs,
lost in your wants,
disoriented to your desires.
What am I to do?
Be proper in public,
modest to our guests.
Life seemed simple at first, as easy as it could get.
Pretty, practical, and perfect.
It was just as dirty.
To myself, to him, people I cared about, people I loved.
"Does anyone know? Can they see it? Do they understand?"
Emotions are everywhere, mentally amess, spiritually distraught and physically ill.
I cry for help but, "Does anyone care?"
Exhausted emotionally, yet no time to show it.
"I have to keep it together."
Outbursts cry for me to let it out, screaming my name to let loose.
Mentally strung out, nothing is what it seems.
Every word is lie, part of the "look pretty, act perfect attitude."
Nothing helps, no way out, trapped in my own prison.
Resentment toward myself for allowing myself to walk straight into hell.
My heart skips beats, stomach is in knots,
and my skin is as cold as my heart has become.
"Will it ever end?"
Sleep, but when I wake, the headache returns.
I wonder, "When does this dysfunction stop?"
Twisted, how have I allowed myself to be overpowered by someone else.
Losing my strength to stand up for myself,
Speechless, words can come to mind but none escape my mouth
Powerless against this disaster I have helped create.
Anxious, that this is a dream and my life is better than this,
I have become unstable and lack the ability to take care of myself.
Confused, nothing is the same, yet I do the same thing each week.
Scared to lose everything I have ever worked for, dreamed of,
Gone just like that.
Lies are never ending.
"One day," I tell myself, "one day."
Confident, that this insanity is going to change,
but it starts with me.