"Indebted"

Everyone said my life was easy.

That I had it all - "you've brains,

you've family, you've health,

You've COLLEGE."

You Have College.

But what they are blind to

Is the rushing feeling

Is the crushing feeling

Is the constant, relentless,

Breathless feeling that I

Don't have enough saved for it.

I worked hard for It.

I saved as much as I could for It.

And still don't have enough.

My family makes

"Too Much," yet still struggles

To pay bills every day.

I'm "Too White," and yet

I have the same vibrant mind as

Someone "Too Black."

I'm "Too Lucky" to have gotten

In, yet not "Lucky" enough

To have a small fortune to pay for it.

No one should feel the weight

Of overwhelming debt, hanging,

Swinging, above their

Fresh, clear eyes, blocking

Their view of the horizon, The Future.

An iron boulder, threatening to

Crush them.

But it sits like a weight on my shoulders,

Daring me to lift it, daring me to try,

To shrug my shoulders, and let it slide

Down, down, down onto the ground

The prison ball still around my

Ankle. Suffocating, until I escape.

"But that isn't what matters"

They tell me; "you'll pay it off

When you're done" they tell me;

How can they see the future,

When all I can see is red numbers,

and Dollar signs on the horizon?

No. This is not what education

Should be about. Not a list of

Digits, green or red.

Learning for learning's sake - 

At least that's what they tell me it should be,

Before they strap on the ball,

Which I shall drag for years

To come. Stifling my dreams, but still

Struggling to make it.