the "im not ready" poem

let me start from the very beginning of when everything happened...

i ended things with you back in september, we were done. 

we were done, but i missed every inch of you. 

every thought, every desire, everything that had to do with you, consumed me. 

you were all i had known for so long. and i wanted it back. 

i wanted so bad in fact, that we spoke and we fixed things. 

and we decided to try things again, after 4 and a half months. 

we had our laughs, we had our sexual moments. 

and then after an amazing day we had you decided you were not ready. 

not ready. 

those words still do not sound right to me. 

is it someone else? is it me? 

you say you love me and you want me, but do you really? 

i dont believe you do. 

i want you. 

so bad. 

i love you. 

but you tore my heart. you ripped it out my chest. 

and now, i am as broken as i ever was. 

we have now taken 100 steps back and now i feel like im at square one with you. 

now you dont want me. now you dont need me. 

but i have never wanted and needed someone in my whole life. 

and now you're gone. 

perhaps it is for the best. 

i have lived without you once, and i can certainly do it again. 

but after having you for merely nine months, i cant help but want you more and more each day. 

all i can really say now is that i tried my hardest, and when you're ready for me, i hope i'm ready for you. 

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