I'm not ready

I'm not ready to go back. I've tried so hard, done so much, yet I still end up with the short end of the stick.

I've tried everything, but it never seems to help me.

Why can't I be “good enough?” Why can't anyone love me? Why?

All my life I've been told, “Everything will be okay.” or “It gets better.” To this day, I still fall behind.

I try to be the one that everyone loves, the one everyone can count on and have someone, but it never seems to help me.

They just see me as an easy target; the fragile sweet girl who will always forgive and forget. I can't seem to win the game, the rules change faster than you can say love.

The rules never stay the same, one moment I'm playing and I get to a good point in the game, then I lose everything. I am once again back to the beginning trying to figure out what my next move is, without anyone noticing me.

All I've ever done is be nice to everyone, been the good girl, I even went above everyone else's expectations of me and tried even harder, but that never seems to help me either.

What is it that they want from me? Why do they have these impossible expectation for me? No one else seems to have to follow this. Why am I the only one who has to play the game?

I'm not ready to go back to this game. I'm not ready to fall again, so soon after my last fall. I'm not ready!


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