I'm happy at times...

I'm happy at times...

or at least it feels as though I am.

I don't feel the pain anymore.

I talk myself into being okay, I do not dread waking up everyday, I eat normally, I stop crying for a little,

but then,

out of nowhere, a memory  will flood my mind and I say flood because that is exactly what it is.

It will consume me and swallow me whole.

It will be all I can see, hear, smell, taste, and feel.

It will wash away all of the progress I thought I had made on erasing you from my mind.

The human brain works in such a funny way.

It amazes me, really.

Your brain controls absolutley everything and despite it being your brain it can never seem to work with you.

I know this because I have been trying to forget you for months.

Forget the way your lips tasted like sweet honey to a hungry bear.

Forget the way you use to say my name, so soft yet it would travel up my spine and leave me breathless every time.

Forget the feeling of your warm body against my my cold one, like the first sip of hot chocolate after being in the snow all day.

Forget the way your fingers grazed my skin as soft as silk on shaved legs.

...yet it never works.

My brain, my heart, my body, everything that I am made up of is so madly in love with you.

I am sitting here trying to understand how you do it...

How you act as if I am a complete stranger.

That is what brings me the most pain out of everything you have done.

Realizing this love was one-sided the entire time.

I'm happy at times...

or at least it feels as though I am.

I don't feel the pain anymore.

I talk myself into being okay, I do not dread waking up everyday, I eat normally, I stop crying for a little,

but then it hits me like a train and every ounce of pain I have been keeping down crushes my chest all at once.

...you still leave me breathless just in a different kind of way now.

How do I do this?

How do I forget a piece of my own being.

 

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
Guide that inspired this poem: 

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