I'm In Control
At age 8, I was told to grow up.
To take care of myself
No matter how I felt
For I had to know what a parents knows
Because afterwards I could never ask for help.
For to cry was to be weak
And who would look up to someone so weak?
Nobody cares if you’re hurting
Or broken inside
So man up and be someone for whom they can confide.
“You’re an adult.”
At 15, I was told I’m an adult.
So I had to get my own food,
Make my sisters clean and eat,
I was a second parent, so to speak.
Then I was hit with a child.
Not mine but my lover’s
From a woman of his past,
I was not told until I had discovered,
His past and daughter,
Who already been born
But I had already told him, “I’ll always be yours.”
Now at this point,
I was beyond just stress.
I was falling apart,
And I was a mess.
But then those lines came back to me,
The ones my parents carved into me.
And although I despised them,
Although I was through,
Those cold lines are the only thing that kept me alive,
The only things that pushed me through.
I’m still with that man and our daughter,
My sisters are now grown,
My parents are regretful
And drink to forget the lines they’ve told.
Although I don’t like them,
Although my scars still show,
I’ll show them what grown is
And I’ll prove to them all
That I’m alive and in control.