I'm In Control

 

“Grow Up.”

At age 8, I was told to grow up.

To take care of myself

No matter how I felt

For I had to know what a parents knows

Because afterwards I could never ask for help.

 

“Don’t cry.”

For to cry was to be weak

And who would look up to someone so weak?

Nobody cares if you’re hurting

Or broken inside

So man up and be someone for whom they can confide.

 

“You’re an adult.”

At 15, I was told I’m an adult.

So I had to get my own food,

Make my sisters clean and eat,

I was a second parent, so to speak.

 

Then I was hit with a child.

Not mine but my lover’s

From a woman of his past,

I was not told until I had discovered,

His past and daughter,

Who already been born

But I had already told him, “I’ll always be yours.”

 

Now at this point,

I was beyond just stress.

I was falling apart,

And I was a mess. 

But then those lines came back to me,

The ones my parents carved into me.

 

And although I despised them,

Although I was through,

Those cold lines are the only thing that kept me alive,

The only things that pushed me through.

 

I’m still with that man and our daughter,

My sisters are now grown,

 My parents are regretful

And drink to forget the lines they’ve told.

 

Although I don’t like them,

Although my scars still show,

I’ll show them what grown is

And I’ll prove to them all

That I’m alive and in control.