Ignorance is bliss, right filter?
My heart feels heavy, not heavy enough for me not to be able to carry, just heavy enough for me to feel weary, it’s so scary, I’m near January.
I’ve never had to grow up so fast, I’m near dear to the past, I’ll admit I use to think it would last so long, damn I was wrong.
And it’s not that I was feeling strong or invincible, I was just strong at making things invisible. Call it my super power it’s more like kryptonite, because i feel my flight or fright creeping up inside, nearing the time I’ll have to choose where I take my life, I’ve never felt more alive. I don’t know why, I don’t know why I don’t know.
They tell me I should know, they tell me I’m in adult mode, like a new level I’m not sure where to go, it seems even when we graduate we never really graduate, because even out of high school there’s class systems, deadlines, assignments, and finals. I always said I couldn’t wait till all this was final, was done with, I couldn’t have been more stupid.
But it's funny how things can change when you're given a filter, and you use it. How do I know?
Because now that I'm using it my heart feels light, light enough for me to push aside the doubts of carrying, light enough to push away the thoughts of weary, light enough to not feel scary, it’s near January and I’m growing up fast, I’m near dear with my past, I use to think it would last and that’s okay.
That’s okay because for the first time of many first times, it’s perfectly okay to not feel so okay, because to fix is to admit and to admit is to realize there’s something that needs to be rebuilt, it's not broken, but it's in need to feel whole again, or at least that's what my filter says.